“I’m not getting my bum out…” (Let’s talk about what boudoir really is.)

If I had a pound for every time a woman told me she wasn’t getting her bum and bits out, I’d probably have retired by now.

It’s one of the biggest misconceptions about boudoir photography, especially for women over 40. Somewhere along the way, the word boudoir has become tangled up with images that feel far more explicit than many of us are comfortable with. If your only experience of boudoir is scrolling through social media, I completely understand why you might think, “Well, that’s definitely not for me.”

And here’s the thing… sometimes it isn’t.

There are photographers whose style is much more daring, much more revealing and much more provocative. If that’s what someone wants, then that’s entirely their choice. But it isn’t how I photograph women, and it isn’t what most of my clients are looking for either.

I’m a woman of a certain age myself, so I completely understand the hesitation. I don’t particularly want my cellulite taking centre stage, I have no desire for my stretch marks to become the main event, and as for getting my bits out… absolutely not. I suspect many of the women who walk through my studio door feel exactly the same.

What does boudoir actually mean?

The word boudoir actually comes from a French word meaning a woman’s private dressing room or personal space. Somewhere she could prepare for the day, relax and simply be herself. I rather like that definition because it feels much closer to what I create than the version of boudoir that often gets portrayed online.

For me, boudoir has never been about revealing everything. It’s about creating elegant, feminine photographs that celebrate you exactly as you are now. There’s a softness to it. A confidence. A quiet sort of glamour that doesn’t need to shout or shock anyone.

How is boudoir different  from a portrait session?

One question I’m often asked is, “Why can’t I just wear a nice dress?”

Well, of course you can. If that’s what you feel most comfortable in, we’ll create beautiful photographs together. But they will feel more like classic portraits, and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that.

Boudoir has a different mood. It’s more relaxed, more personal and somehow more timeless. It’s not really about the clothes at all; it’s about creating images that show a different side of you. The side that has spent years looking after everyone else and rarely takes time to feel looked after herself.

And before you panic, that doesn’t automatically mean lace corsets and suspenders.

Far from it.

What do women wear for a boudoir photoshoot?

Some of my favourite photographs have been taken in an oversized white shirt. Sometimes it’s your own, sometimes it’s your husband’s favourite shirt that’s a little too big. Soft knitted jumpers work beautifully, as do silk pyjamas, simple camisoles and, if you’ve visited my studio, you’ll know I have a rather unhealthy collection of beautiful robes. Honestly, I may have more robes than any one person reasonably needs, but they photograph so beautifully that I keep finding excuses to buy another one.

The lovely thing about robes is that they flatter almost everybody. They skim rather than cling, they create beautiful movement and they allow you to reveal as much or as little as you’re comfortable with. Most of my clients are pleasantly surprised by just how elegant they feel wearing one.

The truth is, you decide where your comfort zone is. If you want to stay quite covered, that’s exactly what we’ll do. If you’re happy showing a shoulder, a little leg or the curve of your back, that’s entirely up to you. Nothing is ever expected, and nothing is ever pushed.

In fact, one of the comments I hear most often after women see their photographs is, “I can’t believe how classy they are.”

That makes me smile every time because that’s exactly how I want you to feel.

Not exposed., nor awkward.

Not like you’re pretending to be somebody you’re not.

Just beautifully photographed.

The woman your family already sees. The woman who’s still there underneath the menopause, the scars, the stretch marks, the years spent putting everyone else first. The woman who may have forgotten what it feels like to look at herself with kindness.

That’s what boudoir means to me.

And no… you definitely don’t have to get your bum out.